Bringing on the challenge of marriage is no light matter but it can be if we choose to look at it through a different lens. A sense of humor and the ability to take a closer look at yourself no matter how brilliant, right, outwardly successful you may be are key ingredients to an enriched marriage.
What I have found very helpful lately is instead of trying to make my husband, Derek, do something I would like him to do. I under function in that area- meaning I just don't do it. I have found that all the nagging in the world changes nothing. However, if you get on with what you need to- magically it gets done- it may not be exactly what you would like but if you can lower your anxiety it won't really matter anyway. (Apparently Derek has been under functioning on paying the bills- guess I need to pay those)
I am blessed to be married to such a loving, caring, talented and hard working man as Derek and if I remember to focus on what I need to change about me I can see that. If I don't I begin to resent him for those things that do naturally irritate me. In a larger perspective that I am sometimes aware of and other times not I am grateful and excited about our life together and what it may hold. What we will do as a family and what we will do alone. The future is awaiting us, the present is here and the past is no longer as haunting as it has been.
with love and honor to the most important man in my life
2 comments:
Aaahhhh Kath - Shame. Sounds like you would agree with Rod that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing....no complaining, no nagging, no blaming, no being a victim. Too often our over functioning actually lets the person we want to function at a higher level off the hook as we handle all the anxiety of the moment. As you suggest, why not drop the anxiety on the floor, relax and get on with doing what we do best.....perhaps the other person will do nothing. But at least we won't be fuming at them all the time. And just maybe they will begin to see the accumulating work that needs to get done and do it themselves or at least ask for our help.....imagine that - actually working together and sharing one another's burdens.....! Amen. O'
Years ago in my wisdom and enlightenment, I was trying to turn Ron into what I was sure God wanted him to be. Imagine my amazement when God suggested that when I was perfect before Him I could take over his job and work on my husband, but until then I had plenty to work on in my own life, and I could kindly leave my husband to the One who knew what He was actually doing. It will be forty years this month, and God's still doing His job, and I'm still working on my own life and leaving my husband to the One in charge of new creations.
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