During a family crisis/drama there are two options or perhaps more. One is to get pulled into the emotional reactivity of the situation. This is usually the first response that feels natural and justified. There is another option, however, that is much harder to do. This entails thinking and processing for as long as it takes to calm the reactivity within you that naturally rears up. Usually I go through a myriad of reactions ranging from extreme hurt and anger to exclaiming that "I don't really care anyway" and "it's their loss".

When I am able to respond to the person or persons involved, after getting out all my reactivity that comes from my own internal struggles, I am growing. I am not always able to do this but when I am, an internal change takes place within me, and I know I am maturing. I choose to look at the situation as an opportunity for growth rather than pain that has been inflicted upon me. When I am able to do this, peace resides in my heart, and my anxiety greatly diminishes.

This is not to say that these situations do not hurt at a deep level. This is why I give myself time to acknowledge the hurt, express the feelings in my head or often to my husband (shame), and then try to understand the other person's point of view or limited point of view knowing that nobody is perfect, I choose to forgive and ask for forgiveness for any part that I have played in the situation.

I am not a victim. Woe is not me. I choose to walk:" with my hands open, with my eyes open, I just keep moving hoping your heart opens." [snowpatrol- eyes open]

In my talk with Sarayu this morning she said: "Rest emotionally and mentally in Me." This is where peace is found and many are searching the world over for just a hint of it. Fear is the enemy of love. True love casts out all fear. I love you Sarayu. I love you Yahweh.

I am so grateful for the people in my life that I know well and that know me. To be really known by someone is truly a gift. It can definitely be painful as these are the people who can hurt you the most as Bono puts it in his latest song, "Magnificent" Only love can leave such a mark, only love, only love can leave such a scar. These are the people that encourage your growth, challenge you to things you didn't deem possible, comfort and support you in times of great need and who truly love you for who you are.

As I embark on my journey of life I need to be able to be engaged in activities that call me forth, that ignite my passion, that use my gifts and that benefit the community. I am grateful to be able to spend time with my children but I also need time away. I need time to spend developing parts of myself that do not have anything to do with my children. This way I can encourage them to live their own lives.

"You can't forget the fact that you're a parent when your living room, dining room and kitchen are cluttered with baby gear, barbie dolls and miniture characters."

As I was walking this morning along the canal I started talking to Sarayu. I often just keep talking and asking until I feel as if I have things under control- well the truth is I am never going to have things under control and deep down neither do I want to have this. When we do, life is taken out of the equation- Life is full, life is always changing, life is being flexible and open to what could be- if we have things planned out it takes away the sense of wonder and the sad part is that we do this to our children. I am remebering the sheer high pitched shriek Isabel gave as she entered the butterfly garden this morning.

My challenge as I talk with Sarayu is to show me every day how to be more present with my children to enjoy the here and now without getting stuck in the past or fixed upon the future I think I need. It is to dance with Isabel or rock out in the car with her because I am not so preoccupied. It is to play with Ariana without wondering what the time is and what I still need to do. I asked Sarayu to show me how to do this better not only for me but for everyone that is in relationship with me especially my children. I want to empower my children while keeping good boundaries with them so they can develop into the children that God created them to be.

What is it about stories that keeps Isabel transfixed. "Tell me a story mommy, you tell me a story?" When I do I can see the amazement and wonder in her eyes as she is completely present- she's not thinking about folding the laundry or what else she has to do. As adults its different as we have responsibilities but I still make the choice to be present or not and when I'm not- I am not fully alive, just going through the motions of being alive. This is truly the gift that God intended us to have. Thank you for our freedom- it installs passion, desire, creativity, inspiration and love.

You know you're a parent when you know the words to the theme songs of "Clifford the Big Red Dog" , Toot and Puddle" and "Dragon Tales"

You know you're a parent when your multitasking consists of looking for Blankie and Lamb before naptime, while emptying the diaper genie, while simultaneously trying to google "avent" to try to figure out what no. nipple you should be using on the bottle.

You know you're a parent when you create a slow version (so not to hype her up b4 bed) to Dora the explorer and Go Diego Go tv shows to sing to your daughter as her goodnight song just as she has requested

You know you're a parent when you need to get out of the house, without kids whether you have some place to go or not.

You know you're a parent when you shake the running jogger, while continuing to run, to create a type of rollercoaster ride for your child

You know you're a parent when the sheer joy of being alone on the canal is like Christmas as a kid.

You know you're a parent when you begin to weep at things that were never able to bring you to tears before.

You know you're a parent when you begin to become aware of just how much your parents did for you and what it must have taken to raise you.

You know you're a parent when you look at your baby and are filled with an undeniable sense of joy and well-being.

You know you're a parent when you smile and laugh like a complete goof when your baby smiles

You know you're a parent when having a shower alone is comparable to a trip to the spa.

You know you're a parent when you "get in the cave" of covers on your bed to hide from the monsters while half asleep